MUST READ.....When is the right age to teach a child sex education

hehehehe.....Sex, and everything around it, is a very sensitive issue, and discussions that pertain to ‘it’ used to be held only among the elderly. It used to be a no-go area for teenagers and young adults, unless they did that in their closet.

And for children, the word, sex, was something they should never hear about. And when, out of curiosity, they mistakenly asked questions about childbirth, conception, genitals and sex, parents, older siblings and every elderly person around would jointly scold and shout them down for daring to utter such ‘sacred’ words.

But in modern times, where children, especially young girls, have become somewhat endangered species, given the instances and rising cases of child molestation, teaching children about sex, known as sex education, has become a must for parents.

The American Academy of Paediatrics once pointed out that right from infancy, children start having consciousness about their body, including touching their genitals when naked, which is a product of curiosity and not for sexual activities. Thus, when such children ask questions about such topics, parents are advised to answer them constructively, without saying too much.

According to AAP, sex education involves teaching about human sexuality, including intimate relationships, human sexual anatomy, sexual reproduction, sexually transmitted infections, sexual activity, consent, sexual orientation, abstinence, contraception and reproductive rights and responsibilities.

It added that developmentally appropriate and evidence-based education by paediatricians, schools, other professionals and parents are important to help children and adolescents make informed, positive and safe choices about healthy relationships, responsible sexual activity and their reproductive health, as such education could prevent and reduce the risks of pregnancy, HIV and STIs.

However, there are certain things parents should put in mind when taking their children on sex education, starting with the right age to start.

A consultant paediatric endocrinologist, Dr. Elizabeth Oyenusi, said parents should begin sexual education for their children as early as possible. She explained that two to three years is an ideal time for such, given that it’s about the age children start going out, whether to school or elsewhere. “Hence, parents should teach them the names of all their body parts and what is not appropriate. It is also that period parents should tell them where they should not be touched by anyone and that if such happens, they should report to them.”

She stated further that educating them at that tender age had become necessary given the things they could be exposed to on the television and other platforms.

Oyenusi added that while children should have known about those basic things at a tender age, when they grow older, like eight years old, parents should be more “explicit” about it.

She said it is more so as it is about that age when girls begin to develop breasts, which could make people, especially men, find them attractive.

She said, “Whether for a male or female child, once they clock eight years, parents should talk to them about sex, and there is no need to use nicknames or graphics, more so that such children are exposed to different images on the television or even the Internet. A girl is ready for such education when her breasts begin to come out or when she clocks eight.”

Asked to talk about the best approach to begin educating children about sex, she said, “There is no hard-and-fast rule on how to go about it, because some children ask questions while some don’t ask. For those who ask, parents should answer them, and for those who don’t ask, such discussions could be initiated by introducing them to certain terms, and no need for nicknames. Parents could also ask what they know already so as to where to take it from.”

Given that children don’t spend all their time at home, especially those who have resumed school, coupled with some arguments that parents and teachers have distinct roles to play, Oyenusi emphasised that parents have a major role to play because they are the first to know the child and that the role played by teachers could only be complementary.

“Parents need to first equip their children with the basic knowledge, and whatever the teachers do will only complement what they had been taught already. And it will not be premature to talk to them about sexually transmitted diseases and infections, being a possible repercussion of sex.”

Another consultant paediatrician, Dr. Rotimi Adesanya, said the cost of not teaching children about sex at an early age could be too much to bear in the future, because they tend to learn wrong things and from wrong persons.

He said, “The implication is that when they leave their parents, maybe for school, other people would tell them the wrong things and they tend to fall for it because they had not been taught about what is right or wrong.

He stressed that sex education is not just about teaching children about sex and the need to abstain from it at that level, it also involves teaching them gradually about the organs and their functions.

He said, “A child that has not been told by the parents at an early age that homosexuality or lesbianism is bad may not know that being touched in certain places by someone of the same sex is wrong, not to talk of someone of the opposite sex.

“But if the parents have taught them that people of same sex don’t go close, they would know and it would be registered in their brain. So, if anybody makes such move, they would either run or raise the alarm. That is why parents need to teach them at home, so they are not taught the wrong things outside.

“It is not uncommon for a young girl to be deceived that sex could put an end to painful menstruation. For such a girl, she could be taken advantage of easily, thinking that would put an end to her pains. But if she had been taught that sex doesn’t end menstrual pain, she won’t be deceived and that would help her to be wary of any man who tells her such.”

He explained further that, on the average, girls from the age of 10 or 11 enter the menstrual period, signifying the beginning of puberty. He said the mother should start telling them about maturity, the changes they should expect in their body, like the breasts shooting out and seeing blood in their private parts, because their first menstruation would come unannounced.

“At that point, parents should tell them to distance themselves from anything that could make them to unzip or remove their pants,” he added.

Speaking on the right age children should be taught about sex, Adesanya said that given the early exposure children now have to ICT, whereby information can no longer be hidden, parents could initiate sex education as soon as a child could read, and the sex education should begin at a level the child can understand.

He added, “Parents need to simplify it; mention the parts of the body that should not be touched. There is a song that explains that there are some parts of the body that should not be touched. Parents can go as far as singing such with them and identifying those areas. There are some basic simplified books by educationists to make it easier and simplified.

“Children should be taught the basic things, like the fact that boys and girls are made differently by God. As simple as it is, while in preschool, girls should be told that there should be no hugging. Nobody should hug them. If anybody insists, they should tell such persons that their mum normally hugs them and that is enough for them. Children should be taught to raise the alarm or shout if there is anything untoward.

“They should be taught the body parts and the functions of each and why they shouldn’t attempt anything like sex. Parents should not refer to genitals as ‘thing’, they should use the real name of the organ. Let them know that it is an area that should not be touched until after marriage. They should be taught that it is wrong for a male putting hands in a female’s chest or back pockets.”

He added that as children grow older, especially when they are in mid-primary or towards entering secondary school, the education needs to advance, like telling male children not to touch the breast (or chest region) or the private part of a lady and telling females not to touch or hit a boy around the genital area.

Adesanya averred that if parents don’t teach their children about “these things”, they (children) could come across such on the Internet or learn it from outsiders and they could end up being misinformed.