Hehehe....Losing your virginity can seem scary, and the range of myths
surrounding it doesn't help. In most cases, though, penetrative sex
should not be intensely painful, even on your first time. Follow along
after the jump to learn how to mentally and physically prepare yourself.
Part 1 of 2: Before Having Sex
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1
Try to feel comfortable with your own sexuality. Most
people fear the unknown, and it's easy to get anxious if you don't know
what's coming. Feeling tense and nervous will put a damper on the
experience, in addition to making your vaginal muscles clenched and more
prone to pain. Instead of letting anxiety take over, try to find ways
to relax and become educated beforehand so you feel confident in the
moment. Here are some strategies to try:
- Read up! Knowing exactly what goes where, what's normal, and what to
expect can help ease a lot of your anxiety about having sex for the
first time. Planned Parenthood, The American Academy of Pediatrics and Scarleteen are good places to start.
- Know your body. Understanding your own anatomy can help you feel
more confident, especially if your partner is also a virgin. It's
important to figure out what you enjoy, so you can communicate that to
your partner and ensure that you both have a good experience.
Masturbation can help with this, or you can simply resolve to be
communicative while you experiment with your partner — whatever you
choose, try to pay attention to how you respond to different touches.
- Approach sex with a positive attitude. When you lose your virginity
is a personal choice. If you feel extremely guilty and stressed out at
the prospect, maybe it's better to wait. If you've decided that this is
what you want, though, then take steps to cast the experience in a
positive light. Focus on making it an experience that brings you closer
to your partner and gives you an opportunity for personal growth.
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2
Take a trip to the drugstore. Buying a few items ahead of time can make losing your virginity a little easier. Consider picking up:
- Condoms, which both help prevent pregnancy and help stop the spread
of sexually-transmitted infections (STIs). Even if you're on birth
control pills and you trust your partner, using a condom can erase any
doubts that might make you anxious in the moment. Don't worry about
buying anything that's ribbed or extra tricked-out for your first time —
just look for the most basic version you can find.
- Lubricant, the next-best thing you can buy after condoms because it
will ease a lot of the pain and prevent vaginal tearing. If you're using
latex condoms (which most are), do not use an oil-based lubricant, because they can tear the condom. Instead, opt for a silicone- or water-based lube.
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3
Discuss your concerns with your partner. Having sex
with someone you trust can make your first time a lot less
nerve-wracking. Your partner should be considerate of your feelings,
focused on making sure you have a good experience, and willing to help
you through the process. If your potential partner pressures you too
much, or if he or she doesn't seem very concerned about how having sex
might affect you, maybe it's best to reconsider.
-
4
Know what your hymen is. The hymen is a thin membrane
that partially covers the vaginal opening, and almost every girl is
born with one. It starts to wear away over time due to a variety of
activities, such as playing sports, tampon usage, menstruation or normal
movement. Here's what you need to know about it as far as losing your
virginity is concerned:
- You probably have a partial hymen. If you're a teenager, chances are
that only part of your hymen is left — which is normal, particularly if
you've already started having periods. If you want to investigate more,
you should be able to see your hymen easily with the help of a
flashlight and a hand mirror.
- If you do bleed, it shouldn't be very much. Any bleeding you experience after losing your virginity should not
be on the same level as having a period. Instead, it should only be
light spotting for a few hours after. Some girls won't bleed at all.
- Breaking your hymen shouldn't be overwhelmingly painful. Actually,
if you do experience pain during your first time, it's probably because
you're not used to the feeling of penetration and you're clenching up
your muscles — not because your hymen has nerve endings (spoiler: it
doesn't). The good news is, although you can't control your hymen
tearing, you can control how relaxed you are.
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5
Get acquainted with how you're angled. If you can
help your partner ease into you at the correct angle, you'll avoid some
potentially painful fumbling. Most girls aren't straight up and down,
but instead angled back toward the spine or forward toward the belly
button — both directions are normal.
- If you regularly use tampons, you're one step ahead. Take note of
how you approach inserting a tampon, and try to recreate that same angle
when you're starting to have penetrative sex.
- If you don't use tampons or haven't otherwise engaged in any vaginal
penetration, it's probably a good idea to figure it out before you have
sex. Try using tampons on your next period, or inserting a finger next
time you're in the shower. Aim toward your lower back; if that doesn't
feel comfortable, shift forward slightly until you find a point that's
comfortable.
Part 2 of 2: While You're Having Sex
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1
Pick a stress-free location. If you're constantly
worried about getting caught, you might not have much fun. Make it
easier on yourself and your partner by choosing a time and place where
you can be relatively sure you won't be disturbed.
- Look for privacy, a comfortable surface to lie down on, and a time when you aren't worried about being on a schedule.
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2
Set a relaxing mood. Loosen up by making the
atmosphere stress-free. Get rid of any distracting clutter, shut off
your phone, and remove anything else that might make you feel nervous or
keep you from focusing on your partner.
- Try some of the tricks that medical offices, dental offices or
beauty salons use. Dim lighting, soft music, and warm room temperature
are all meant to make you feel safe and comfortable.
- Consider taking some time to groom yourself beforehand so that you
feel relaxed in your own skin. Take a quick shower, use scented lotion,
style your hair, or do whatever else makes you feel pretty and
confident.
-
3
Take your time. Try to think of sex as a marathon,
not a sprint, and focus on enjoying your partner without rushing.
Instead of worrying about getting right to it, spend time figuring out
what you and your partner both enjoy. Start with kissing, move to making
out, and stick to whatever pace feels most comfortable for both of you.
- Here's an extra bonus to doing plenty of foreplay: as you become
more aroused, your natural lubrication will increase — making it easier
for your partner to enter you painlessly later on.
-
4
Communicate with your partner. Try not to be afraid
to ask for what you need in the moment — he or she should be more than
happy to help you. Slowing down, moving gently, or using more
lubrication are all things you could suggest to ease the pain of your
first time.
-
5
Do some aftercare (optional). If you're really
struggling with the pain or experiencing bleeding, try to deal with it
before it becomes too aggravating. Take an over-the-counter pain
reliever (do not take aspirin if you're under age 19), clean up any
blood, and wear a light pad for a few hours.
Many women who are contemplating their “first time” have many
questions about bleeding after losing virginity. Is there a lot of
blood? Where does the blood come from? Does it hurt? How long do you
bleed after losing your virginity?
You experience bleeding after
their first time because of a break in the hymen. The hymen is a very
thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening. Almost every
female is born with a hymen, which starts out relatively thick and thins
over time, mostly due to activities such as using tampons, playing
sports and the like. But even when a woman loses her virginity in her
later years, the hymen might still lead to bleeding after her first
time.
What's Bleeding After Losing Virginity Like?
When a woman loses her virginity, she might notice anything from no
bleeding at all to a great deal of bleeding; however, it should not be
as much as a period. Most women will experience very light spotting for a
few hours after they have sex for the first time. It is important to
remember that bleeding during sex – or not bleeding – doesn’t mean a
woman is healthy or unhealthy. It is just a natural response to how much
of a hymen is there.
Also keep in mind that some women don’t
bleed at all. This is especially true if she has become accustomed to
masturbating, playing sports that take a strong physical toll, or
otherwise being very active. Not bleeding doesn’t mean anything is wrong
– it just means the hymen has been stretched or torn at some earlier
time.
Difference from menstruation
Many women might expect to see the same amount of blood as they do
during menstruation, but this rarely happens. Most of the time, blood
from menstruation is heavier and lasts much longer, and is accompanied
by cramps, mood swings, and all the other symptoms that often go along
with the menstrual cycle. Bleeding after losing virginity doesn’t have
any of those symptoms.
How long do you bleed after losing your virginity?
The good news is that it lasts only a few hours at most. Some women
think it’s just enough to stain a panty liner, while others experience a
bit more. Again, it depends entirely on how thick the hymen is when you
have sex for the first time.
If you are bleeding very heavily, a
continuous flow for several days, or you are in severe pain, it’s time
to see a doctor. Keep in mind that this complication is extremely rare,
and usually is a signal of an underlying problem.
Will Losing Virginity Hurt?
Many women have said that losing their virginity is painful. How
painful it is varies from one person to another. Some women experience a
sudden, sharp pain and then nothing else. Some experience an aching
sensation. Others might experience no pain at all.
How to relieve the pain
There are ways to minimize the pain that you might feel during your
first time. The most important way to do this is through a great deal of
foreplay. The more turned on you are, the more lubricated your vagina
will be, and that will make penetration much less painful. Foreplay will
also help your body get used to being touched.
Being relaxed will
also help minimize pain. It might seem counterintuitive, because when
you are turned on you certainly don’t feel relaxed! But when you are
scared of what will happen, your body tenses up, and this means that
penetration will be more difficult. The more relaxed you are, the
better. So always take it slow and remember that you can stop at any
time.
Bleeding After Losing Virginity: What Others Experienced
Bleeding after losing virginity is normal, and a lot of women experience
it. Take this particular story from a woman who recently lost her
virginity:
“I won’t lie to you – I was scared to death. But I was very much in
love with my boyfriend and I really wanted my first time to be with him.
I knew he would be very careful and gentle, and he was. The trick was
to get really turned on first, and so he took hours to just play with me
and get me ready. Then when I was ready to go, it was actually nice.
It
did hurt a little, but not like you might think. It was a feeling of
pressure, then a little sting, and that was it. I was so distracted by
the pressure that it was hard to get into the pleasurable feelings of
it. The second time we did it, though, I enjoyed that quite a bit!
As
for bleeding, there wasn’t much. I used a panty liner for a few days
just to be safe, and there was some spotting, but not much at all. It
wasn’t really enough to bother me. Some women might have more bleeding,
but most of my friends had a similar experience with little blood.”
1Try to feel comfortable with your own sexuality. Most people fear the unknown, and it's easy to get anxious if you don't know what's coming. Feeling tense and nervous will put a damper on the experience, in addition to making your vaginal muscles clenched and more prone to pain. Instead of letting anxiety take over, try to find ways to relax and become educated beforehand so you feel confident in the moment. Here are some strategies to try:
2Take a trip to the drugstore. Buying a few items ahead of time can make losing your virginity a little easier. Consider picking up:
3Discuss your concerns with your partner. Having sex with someone you trust can make your first time a lot less nerve-wracking. Your partner should be considerate of your feelings, focused on making sure you have a good experience, and willing to help you through the process. If your potential partner pressures you too much, or if he or she doesn't seem very concerned about how having sex might affect you, maybe it's best to reconsider.
5Get acquainted with how you're angled. If you can help your partner ease into you at the correct angle, you'll avoid some potentially painful fumbling. Most girls aren't straight up and down, but instead angled back toward the spine or forward toward the belly button — both directions are normal.
W
1Pick a stress-free location. If you're constantly worried about getting caught, you might not have much fun. Make it easier on yourself and your partner by choosing a time and place where you can be relatively sure you won't be disturbed.
2Set a relaxing mood. Loosen up by making the atmosphere stress-free. Get rid of any distracting clutter, shut off your phone, and remove anything else that might make you feel nervous or keep you from focusing on your partner.
3Take your time. Try to think of sex as a marathon, not a sprint, and focus on enjoying your partner without rushing. Instead of worrying about getting right to it, spend time figuring out what you and your partner both enjoy. Start with kissing, move to making out, and stick to whatever pace feels most comfortable for both of you.
4Communicate with your partner. Try not to be afraid to ask for what you need in the moment — he or she should be more than happy to help you. Slowing down, moving gently, or using more lubrication are all things you could suggest to ease the pain of your first time.
5Do some aftercare (optional). If you're really struggling with the pain or experiencing bleeding, try to deal with it before it becomes too aggravating. Take an over-the-counter pain reliever (do not take aspirin if you're under age 19), clean up any blood, and wear a light pad for a few hours.
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