Hehehe...It is no news that after wedding
ceremony, newlywed couples usually rush to their bridal suite or hotel
room to have some post-nuptial romantic exercise or sexual congress. It
is usually one night too many for many, mainly for the romp in the sack
(great sex), and the eager consummation of the marriage that follows
that long and enduring expectation is usually historic and unique.
According to some religious beliefs,
people are not expected to have sexual intercourse until they are
legally married, hence, the high sexual plans and expectation built
around the wedding night cannot be over-emphasised.
However, in spite of the high expectation
and readiness of either or both parties, studies have shown that many
end up not having sex on the wedding night. Perhaps the tradition of
wedding night sex is fading away.
Reasons adduced for this trend include
exhaustion, fatigue, intoxication, physiological stress and emotional
overload. Regardless, weddings are beautiful and lovely, but they can be
exhausting and tiring.
One of the studies pointed out that the
groom being too drunk to make love, the bride falling asleep and couples
having arguments during the wedding ceremony, especially at the
reception, were popular reasons why couples don’t consummate their
marriage. While another study emphasised that the refusal or inability
of many to wait until marriage before having sex has reduced the
significance and once-upon-a-time importance attached to wedding night
sex.
In this study, a United Kingdom-based
stationeries company, PaperShaker, surveyed 1,000 newlyweds. It was
found that the biggest reason for the decline in wedding night sex was
that many people don’t wait until marriage to have sex.
In fact, about 16 per cent of the
participants admitted to having more sex since becoming engaged. While
25 per cent said they did not have sex on their wedding night. Also,
about 60 per cent said they slept with two or more of their wedding
guests, more so because about 30 per cent said they invited their
ex-lovers to their wedding. Men were more guilty of this.
It could be deduced that majority of
couples getting married have already been around the block in the
bedroom together, so the rush to finally do it on their wedding night
isn’t nearly as intense or necessary.
Commenting on the study, a relationship
expert, April Masini, said sex on the wedding night used to symbolise
the end of virginity that was guarded until marriage unlike now that it
has become more fashionable to have sex before marriage. “Because sex
before marriage is now the norm, the tradition has lost its meaning, so
sex on the wedding night might not have the significance that it used
to,” she said.
In another survey by a money-saving
website, VoucherCodesPro, which involved 2,128 newlyweds, it was found
that more than 52 per cent of the participants didn’t have sex on their
wedding night.
There were many reasons given for this
unfulfilled expectation. These include the bride or the groom getting
drunk, the bride or the groom being too tired and falling asleep,
couples having argument during wedding reception, travelling to their
honeymoon destination and looking after or being distracted by their
children, for those who already had children before marriage.
Other
reasons given by the participants include staying up all night partying
and celebrating with guests and that neither of them felt like having
sex, for whatever reason.
The Marketing Director, Voucher Codes
Pro, George Charles, said the emphasis of sex on wedding night for
married couples is no longer a huge factor because of several reasons.
He said, “It may be that the stress and
pressure of organising a wedding take the main priority, especially
considering such a large proportion of couples have been together for
years.
“From this study, we gathered that about
52 per cent said they did not make love on their wedding night while 17
per cent of them waited for more than three days after the ceremony.
“Of those who did not consummate their
marriage on their wedding night, 24 per cent said it was because the
groom was too drunk. 16 per cent said it was because the bride was too
tired and fell asleep, while 13 per cent said the bride was too drunk.
In four per cent of cases, it was the groom who fell asleep.
“Furthermore, 11 per cent said it was
because they had their children to look after, and nine per cent
admitted that they had an argument before the wedding reception ended,
hence, they could not have sex.”
According to the report, nine per cent of
the participants said they spent their wedding night travelling to
their honeymoon destination, while seven per cent stayed up all night
partying and celebrating with guests. Interestingly, only four per cent
said neither of them felt like having sex.
Other reasons given include being busy
with saying goodbyes, revelling in some shindig with friends and
colleagues in attendance, and in some cases, while the bride or groom
was busy with friends or attending to friends and making sure all was
well, the partner had gone to sleep.
According to one of the participants in
the survey, she said her bridegroom left shortly after the reception,
and she was the only one who said goodbye to their guests. “When I
finally got the chance to break away from the crowd, I returned to my
honeymoon suite to see that my drunken husband had locked me out. He
shut the door and slept off.
“I knocked, I banged, I yelled and called
his cell and the room phone over and over, until some other guests in
the hotel called the security to stop me. I had to go down to his
parents’ room and confessed what had happened and spent the night with
them.
“The most surprising thing was that my
husband was utterly oblivious to the chaos, mayhem and embarrassment he
had caused the night before. He wasn’t aware.”
It is also worthy of note that many
couples see wedding as a once in a lifetime event, thus putting on a
celebratory nature to make it memorable.
In another survey by Chillisauce, an
events company in the UK, 67 per cent of British couples don’t actually
have sex on their wedding night. About 5,000 people responded to the
wedding survey.
Meanwhile, a survey by an online dating site, WhatsYourPrice.com,
which polled 11,243 of its married American members showed that nearly
half of American couples don’t consummate their marriage on their
wedding night, as about 42 per cent didn’t have sex on the day.
Commenting on the study, a psychologist,
Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said there is a possibility of drunkenness and
tiredness on wedding day due to the number of activities that
characterise the ceremony, but that tiredness would be a stronger factor
than drunkenness. He noted that wedding in this part of the world
usually comes with travelling, which could be tiring.
He added that wedding night sex has lost
relevance because many couples these days would have satisfied
themselves sexually before wedding and there would be nothing to look
forward to again.
He said, “In the time when people go into
marriage with their virginity, wedding night may symbolise an exciting
experience and something to look forward to, but nowadays, the cases of
couples who haven’t had sex before wedding are very rare. This is
because people would have had all the sex they needed for their lifetime
before the wedding day that they may not be in a hurry to have sex that
night.
“Also, for people who have not had sex
before wedding, they may be faced with the issue of anti-climax because
of anxiety and some physiological stress because anxiety about sex
hampers performance. So, issues of tiredness, drunkenness and inability
of couples to refrain from sex before wedding all make wedding night sex
to be not so achievable and interesting.”
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