MUST READ.....Sex is satisfying while masturbation is not

hehehe....The way you express your sexuality is shaped by your acquisition of relevant knowledge. It is also by your individual personality and your past/present challenges and situations. Whether you are newlyweds or in a long time marital relationship, young or old couples, to have the best of marital sex, you must think of your sexuality as a unique part of who you are. And it can be the best if you work on it, depending on your readiness. As the saying goes, fine wine and classic cars improve with age, so also let your sexuality and marriage relationship improve as the day goes by. Today, we shall be looking into ways to keep the sexual love life healthy and hot for years to come.

I want us to look into the fact that sex can be the best within any season of the relationship. I would love to cite some examples of sexual failures prior to marriage/during marriage and also the way out.

Let us first examine the act of masturbation. Masturbation has been argued to be an escapism for many young men and some older men who are not engaging in vaginal sexual acts. It has been discovered as one of the major reasons many couples do not enjoy their sexual relationship. Whichever reasons for masturbation, it is one of the major sexual challenges that reduce a man’s sexual performance and erectile potency. Even though it seems to provide a temporary relief from sexual aglow, urges, temptation, enticement, lure, horny and actual experimentation, it is a subtle silent killer act. It starts like an innocent act of relief and release from sexual tension [with the excuse that ‘well, I am not actually having sex,’ which is a big lie because the act of masturbation itself is actually having great sex with a physically absentee partner or with a non-living partner in form of either toys, objects or images] and gradually,  it graduates to a habit and from habit to addiction and an obsession. The act has not only destroyed men’s sexual desires for real good sex, it has also destroyed beyond repairs sexual organs, especially the penis. Many of these men complain that their penis is not only very weak, but that it shrinks rapidly and very soft with the foreskin over-stretched so much that it dangles over the penis head in such an ugly manner that it scares off potential marriage partners.

 The level and the rate of premature ejaculation, quick ejaculation and weak erection and erectile dysfunction reported by these sufferers are really beyond comprehension. The most depressing part of this case is that it affects both married and single men alike. And of course, close to 45 per cent cases of insufficient sperm count production for fertilisation has been linked to this subtle silent killer act.

So what is the way out? It is very simple. I always tell men the same old trick, put your mind in a very taxing, distracting worthwhile venture and stay off things that can easily lure you. Not that you do not have genuine reason for masturbation but the point here is the aftermath effect of the action. Masturbation starts small but it has never ended small. It incapacitates the victim. So next time you are about to masturbate,  just put the pictures of all its side effects in front of you and closely observe them; I bet you will drop it. And remember, sex is satisfying but masturbation is not.

QUESTIONS, ANSWERS

What is de Quervain’s tenosynovitis.
I just gave birth to a set of twins but my doctor said I have de quervain’s tenosynovitis pain; please what is the meaning?
New mother
This is a repetitive stress injury that causes pain and swelling in the wrist and thumb. Definitely, you must have been undergoing a lot of baby runs lately because of the gift of a set of twins you just had. As a matter of fact, the simple act of lifting your babies out of the crib each day can lead to de quervain’s tenosynovitis. Learn to lift your baby without straining the wrists. Place your hands under the back and buttocks, and lift with the bigger muscles of your arms and ask for help in other household chores.
 I am insensitive to sex
I have been insensitive to sex since I gave birth to our child, what is going on in my body?  Please how soon can one resume sex after delivery?
Mimi girl
Hi Mimi, all things being equal, after normal delivery, sex may be resumed right away, or after six weeks where the delivery involved a surgical operation known as caesarean section. Except where there is a doctor’s restriction on medical grounds, there should not be any reason why a wife should deny her husband sex. Questions usually arise on C/S operations – couples want to know if the wife is medically fit enough for sex after the operation. Where there are no infections or complications because of the operation, sex can resume after six weeks.
Statistics indicate that most wives lose interest in sex outright for more than these periods after childbirth due to some reasons beneath:
The mental and emotional trauma of an unusual or difficult labour stress such as a minor operation called Episiotomy done to assist the woman during childbirth. Episiotomy can be sideways or two-sided, and as expected, the healing process can make sex to be painful and be a sex turn-off. Sometimes this tear may not be surgically done due to labour and delivery negligence. This type of tear is ragged and tattered in nature giving room for more pain and without doubt, the healing process will not be as smooth and as healthy as the surgical episiotomy.
Another reason may be due to induced labour; this is an attempt to bring about regular contraction of the womb by artificial means. Forceps delivery is also another procedure that can be a reason for lack of interest in sex after delivery. This is an attempt to help bring out the baby with metal tools due to abnormal tightness of the vagina and the vulva. There is also another one called trial of labour. This is done when there is a minor or modest disproportion (inequality) of the pelvic and the head of the baby, which most times leads to caesarean section operation. Cord prolapsed is also a situation where the cord of the baby is seen first before the head of the baby. We also have prolonged labour which is  an abnormal lengthened contraction of the womb during labour.
Sometimes the woman may be outright tired due to daily domestic chores. Nursing of baby or babies when they are twins or triplets or quadruplets in addition to many other things make the wife utterly worn out with fatigue. When an exhausted nursing mother loses interest in sex, husbands are advised to assist in giving a helping hand to reduce the workload. It is also sensible that mother-in-laws and all other in-laws should be extremely considerate. It is quite regrettable that in the African set up, this is the time relatives of the husband become overbearing and offensively inconsiderate, making outrageous demands on the nursing mother. This particular issue must be properly handled to prevent unnecessary strain on the new parents and their marital relationship.
The feeling of unattractiveness is another major reason. Naturally, the sudden alteration in some wives’ bodies especially the tummy and the breasts leaves them with the feeling of incompleteness and lack of appeal in their physical appearance. The emergence of varicose veins, overweight, flabby looks and the burden of giving all attention to a helpless baby give some women low self-esteem. They believe that they are unappealing and this sometimes affects their libido. Obviously feeling good about oneself and sexual desire go hand in hand. Husbands are, therefore, enjoined to be very appreciative and reassuring; because this is the time wives need more of psychological reassurance and undivided attention.
Then lastly, the production of Prolactin, which is the milk hormones, is actually a natural form of family planning method and a sex inhibitor. This hormone is always on the increase after delivery and this could explain the reason for the insensitivity.  The woman has to consciously remind herself that her husband needs her. 
I climax only when he fingers me
I am worried. Why is it difficult for me to reach orgasm with my husband? The only time I experience such is when he ‘fingers’ me or ‘sucks’ my clitoris/ vulva and most especially my nipples. I can go gaga each time he does that.
Mrs Deborah Love
Hi, findings have shown that not all women reach orgasm during thrusting in and out. Statistics say 25.7 per cent of women do not reach orgasm with real intercourse. However, you could reach orgasm while being ‘fingered’ because the vaginal nerves ending are much at the tip of the vagina, not really at the base. So whenever the tip of the vagina is caressed, it leads to climaxing. Also the nipples have lots of nerves ending at the tip which explains why you go gaga whenever he sucks the nipples. But I would love to suggest here that if you are still believing God for pregnancy, you both have to reduce the rate at which he sucks your nipples as it may hinder pregnancy. 
My wife habitually tired
Funmi, what should a husband do when the wife is habitually tired anytime he asks for sex? Should he marry another wife or have sex outside the home before retiring for the night? I am weary of the same excuses repeatedly; this is not fair.
Mr. Daniel
Neither of the above, the point here is that many things will be destroyed while wanting to satisfy your sexual urges outside your matrimonial home. I would plead with you to take time out to discuss this extensively with your wife. Also, help her out with the house chores. If you cannot assist, please employ someone to do so. Help take the baby off her back; you can help get the children ready by bathing them while she is preparing the meal. No woman in her right senses would deliberately refuse her husband sex unless she is genuinely tired.
  Her passage is small
I got married some weeks ago to a young lady of about 24 years of age. We love each other so much. However, there is a problem with our sex life. Since we got married, we have been unable to have sexual intercourse together simply because her passage is just too small or tight as the case may be. I ‘m not a virgin, so, I know how it looks like, but her own is extremely too tight or small. Anytime I try to apply pressure, she complains of terrible pain. I’m really confused because I’m not enjoying the marriage at all. Please, what can I do? Help me before it is too late. It is a frustrating marriage as far as I am concerned.
Promise Herithabo
Dear Promise, it seems you are sure of what you are saying. I think the best and wise decision is to take your wife to see a gynaecologist to get the desired result.
I am still a virgin
I am single and still a virgin. What age should one attain before one could be deflowered? There was the case of a lady who got deflowered by her boyfriend with complications. She had a tear, which led to her bleeding profusely and she was taken to the hospital. The doctor advised that she should not abstain from sex because she could have more complications.
I also have a sister who was a virgin at 26 years. She started having abdominal pain almost every month. She went to see the doctor and she was advised that she should be deflowered and placed on drugs immediately to prevent her from having fibroid later in life. Your response is urgently needed.
Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous, basically, we all learn every day. Yet, one thing is certain; her boyfriend must have roughly and harshly or forcefully deflowered your friend. First time sex must be very gentle. The man involved must ensure maximum gentleness, tenderness and understanding. Then, the second friend’s case seems to be an issue of infection or so. I really do not know why the doctor involved asked her to be sexually active as an unmarried person. However, he may have his medical reasons for that. Sex should be saved for marriage. It pays to be pure than being polluted. If I may say, that some other persons were sexually challenged, as a single does not mean you would also be. I think what you should be concerned about is your total health. Why not make it a practice to go for a general check-up with your doctor to detect any abnormality beforehand. My prescription for the proper age to be deflowered is the age you get married, be it 20 or 40.
I have sagging breasts
Kindly tell me what I can do about my natural sagging breasts (with a large boil scare very close to my nipple). I am always ashamed of myself and I find it difficult to undress before a man. Again, I have stretch marks on virtually every part of my body. Now, I am in a relationship with a guy who had a taste of different girls; but he is very serious about marrying me.
Then, the thought of losing him to any of the stainless-body ladies has always disturbed me. I have tried some of the breast firming creams but all to no avail. Please, tell me what to do. Can I still get better products to use or shall I tell him my plight and see if he will accept me the way I am?
Extremely worried lady
Hi, extremely worried lady, I think you should just take the bull by the horn and tell him all about yourself if you are sure he is really serious about getting married to you. Hiding anything from him may lead to distrust which may not be good for the two of you. When people fall in love with their heartthrob; they fall in love with the totality of that person and not a part. If the man is genuinely in love with you, he would definitely overlook some shortcomings in your body that are not of your making.