There is no doubt that raising children
is not without its attendant challenges. From the time a child is born,
parents and guardians are saddled with the task of providing the basic
needs he/she needs for optimal growth.
Besides, they must also ensure that the child competes favourably among his or her peers.
Character traits in children differ and
even in homes where basic necessities are met, dealing with kleptomaniac
children can be utterly frustrating for parents.
It is even worse for parents in homes where this behavioural disorder is noticeable in more than one child.
The Shulman Center, United States,
defines kleptomania as the recurrent failure to resist impulses to steal
objects not needed for personal use or monetary value.
Counsellors and child psychologists have
argued that for children who have this character trait, there is always
an overwhelming pressure and yearning to take items that are not
theirs.
They said such children could steal
petty things like pens, paper clips and toys which they normally do not
need. According to them, when the theft is committed, the pressure of
stealing is let out.
The experts further said if the disorder
was not nipped in the bud at an early stage, it could lead to a bigger
problem which parents would not be able to control.
Speaking on the disorder, a mother of
four, Mrs. Kemi Abimbola, said that to identify kleptomaniac children,
parents should be observant.
Abimbola said, ‘‘When you notice that
your child begins to bring home items you did not buy for him or her or
begins to take things away from the house, raise the alarm. Do not keep
quiet because silence in such a situation is deadly. A child I know
that has such a behavioural tendency does not live with his parents. He
lives with his guardians and they always inform people that he is a
kleptomaniac and they should watch their items whenever he is around. It
is always embarrassing for the people and the child.’’
Abimbola further stated that in dealing
with kleptomaniac children, one must first talk to the child about the
abnormality to find out why he or she steals.
“If the habit persists despite repeated
talks and warnings, parents should deal with the conduct publicly as
that would send a message that stealing is not welcome for whatever
reasons and will not be supported. Personally, I will restrict such a
child from situations that bring out kleptomaniac tendencies. I do not
know if therapy services are available to such children in this part of
the world as they would assist in helping such children,’’ she stated.
Another parent, Mrs. Christiana Adegoke,
argued that in some situations where children are provided with all
they need, some of them would still have eyes on other peoples’ items,
especially if it was an act they picked from their peers.
Adegoke also described kleptomania as a serious issue in many homes but which many parents prefer to discuss in muted tunes.
She stated, “Parents should always be
watchful and regularly counsel their children on the negative effects it
could have on them and their lives as they grow older. For the
spiritual ones, a word of prayer and references to holy books may come
in handy to correct their children exhibiting kleptomania.’’
A Developmental Psychologist in the
Department of Guidance and Counseling, Faculty of Education , University
of Ibadan, Oyo State, Prof. Ajibola Falaye, described kleptomania as a
tricky one in children.
She also classified it as an impulse control disorder that often emanates from poor self-worth in such children.
Falaye said, ‘‘Kleptomania in children
is a very tricky one. Children with the tendency always want to boost
their self-consciousness so they would have more than enough. It also
arises from a sense of not being happy.’’
The lecturer further stressed that if
children were provided with basic necessities, there won’t be the need
for any form of covetousness or yearnings for what belongs to others.
According to her, a child’s background is important including the environment where a child is being raised.
Falaye added, “If you raise a child in
an environment where petty thieves and touts live and thrive, there is a
tendency for that child to begin to imbibe some of their idiosyncrasies
until they become an integral part of that child. It is important for
children to have symbolic models in their lives. For instance, South-
African iconic leader, Nelson Mandela, is a model that children can
emulate.’’
She stated that in dealing with
kleptomania, treatment should include varied methods such as
psychoanalysis, psycho educational strategy, cognitive behaviour therapy
and behaviour modification strategy.
The don noted that parents would have to
apply one or a combination of the outlined methods to modify the
behaviours of any child exhibiting kleptomania.
A psychologist at the Federal Medical
Centre, Abeokuta, Ogun State, Mr. Segun Ayanshola, said taking
cognisance of the formative years of children is a crucial aspect in
curbing kleptomania at an early stage.
Ayanshola said, ‘‘There are many
dimensions to it, when children live in homes where there are often
conflicts, violation of their rights and denial of some basic needs,
such a child may end as a kleptomaniac.’’
The psychologist further said that some
parents over-indulge and protect their children while also shying away
from reprimanding them after misbehaving.
“These are contributory factors to
developing kleptomania in the long run. Genetically, a child can become
kleptomaniac if it is in the genes. Although, this happens in a minimal
percentage of children and many people refute this fact. My advice to
parents is to always observe their children. They should mete out
appropriate punishment when necessary, especially when they notice any
acts from their children,” he said.
Advising parents not to also punish any
erring children too much, Ayanshola stated that they should however make
sure they drive home their point when correcting the child.
He also said parents should give their children food and other necessary things when they need it and not when they want it.
The psychologist noted, ‘‘Kleptomania
can be very traumatising for parents whose children are affected and
knowing a few symptoms will go a long way in helping them deal with the
disorder better. Often times, some children feel the urge to show off
what does not belong to them and in such a case, the child is bound to
steal. In cases where the parents of some children cannot afford certain
items, stealing becomes an option for the children to acquire the
things.’’
He stated that proper education of
children regarding the consequence of stealing was a critical option
every parent should explore to tackle the disorder.
Family corner
I have a 16-year-old
daughter who would be going to the university in a few months’ time.
Although I have my faults, but to an extent, I can say I have tried my
best to raise her up into a good way. But now, I am scared about the
kind of life students lead in the university. I am worried that she may
be corrupted by the decadence in our schools. Please, what can I do?
Worried mum
The concern you raised is expected of
any caring mother. The best thing that parents can do is to give their
children an orientation about life on campus and the consequences of a
dangerous lifestyle. You should let her know why it is important to
choose her friends carefully. It is also necessary to let her know the
decadence on the campus and how to avoid them. Encourage her to set
academic and moral goals before leaving home. Specifically, because some
parents are educated, they can discuss some university tactics with
their children. In doing this, let her understand the fact that to
achieve her lofty academic goals, there are dos and don’ts. Also, ensure
that all her basic needs are met. Some students have been negatively
influenced by their peers because their basic needs were not met. If you
have a negative experience as a mother that you regretted, this may be
the right time to share them. Tell her you trust that she won’t join bad
groups on campus. When she eventually leaves for school, ensure that
you call her regularly and pay her unscheduled visits.
My parents, especially my
dad, do not allow us to go out regularly with our friends whenever we
are home on holidays. I feel this is too harsh. I am in SS2 and should
still have time to have fun and socialise, like the rest of my friends.
Do you think this is fair? Tunde, 15
I honestly think that your parents truly
love you. That is why they made this decision. Many parents want the
best for their children and are sometimes overprotective of them. You
need to earn the respect of your parents to merit their approval in this
case. Let your parents know you as a truthful person. Be honest. These
are the ways to earn their trust. When you earn their trust, it will be
easy for you to get their approval to go out with your friends. If you
have been lying, stealing or exhibiting unpleasant attitudes at home,
your parents’ impression of you would not encourage them to believe that
you are safe when you go out with your friends. Not that going out is
bad but this is the time for you to face your studies because you have
many years ahead of you to have all the fun you want after achieving
success.
I usually do not like
using the cane to discipline my children, but whenever I do, I go to the
extreme. What advice can you give me in disciplining them without
appearing too harsh? Anonymous
There are many ways to discipline a
child rather than using the cane. Since you are aware that you sometimes
overreact, this is a danger sign that someday, you may beat your child
to a coma. There are many ways to discipline a child that won’t cause
them bodily harm. Identify the best ways and make up your mind not to
use the cane all the time. Also, initiate little rewards for their
obedience. This will give them a right attitude to obeying your
instructions and prevent embarrassing damage. You should also try and
talk to them whenever they err rather than using the cane.
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