hehehehe....Libido! Libido!! Libido! Libido is also
known as sex drive, sexual prowess, sexual interest or sexual
activeness. This is one thing many husbands crave to have more in
supply, so as to have good sexual satisfaction. But so often, the key
to sexual satisfaction may not be as a result of penis size, stamina
records, or a technical isolation of the G-spot, good foreplay and so
on. Rather, it should also be about understanding oneself and the
desires of one’s partner and recognising that real couples are not born
with a perfect, divinely granted understanding of sex and sexuality but
are made and we all get better by the day.
Losing interest in sex may not be as
common an occurrence for men as it is for women. When men lose interest
in sex, it scares them more than women. It affects about 15-16 per cent
of men and the statistics doubles or sometimes triples in women. Loss of
libido bothers men more and makes them unhappy about the rest of their
lives than it does women. Only 23 per cent of men with loss of libido
say they still feel very happy about life in general versus 46 per cent
of women.
Their masculinity is so linked to their
sexuality that it is very threatening. From statistics, men do not like
to talk about it; neither do their wives. However, loss of libido in men
or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any other
sexual dysfunction. Loss of libido is not something men have to live
with. There is so much one can do to regain a good sex drive and have a
happy outlook on life. In fact, sex therapists can pinpoint the source
of the problem and may recommend lifestyle interventions.
So many times, men are not even aware
that they have problem with loss of libido until we get talking in my
office or while counselling them over the phone. How do you know if you
have problem with loss of libido?
Libido loss does not usually happen
suddenly; it is not like catching a cold and you start sneezing or
coughing. Though difficult to define precisely, loss of libido is a
lack of interest in sex for several months. Frequency of sexual activity
is not the best measure of sexual interest, because so many
circumstances can get in the way of an encounter, even if the desire is
there. However, if you are married and having sex less often than the
normal, about at least once a week, you might ask yourself whether you
are happy with things as they are.
If you are not happy about your loss of
libido, researchers agree that it is best to tackle the issues before
they become deep-rooted. To help identify the early warning signs, see
whether you answer the following questions true or false:
- Touching takes place only in the bedroom [many African tradition oriented couples find this difficult to answer but touching should be done anywhere anytime]
- Sex does not give you feelings of connection and sharing.
- One of you is always the initiator and the other feels pressured.
- You no longer look forward to sex.
- Sex is mechanical and routine.
- You almost never have sexual thoughts or fantasies about your spouse for ages.
- You have sex once or twice a month at most.
If you answered truly to many or most of
these questions, you may be on your way to losing sexual desire.
Understanding the various causes is the first step to finding the
appropriate solution. So today, we shall be looking at systematic
programme to rekindle sexual desire in low-sex and no-sex marriage
relationships.
The brain is an often-overlooked
erogenous zone. Sexual excitement starts in your head and works its way
down. Sadness, hopelessness and dejection can dampen desire and can
lead to erectile dysfunction.
Depression
Ironically, many of the drugs used to treat depression can also suppress your sex drive and make it harder to get an erection.
Many husbands confided in me that most
times, they consider having a few drinks to get in the mood, which may
not be a bad idea at all but I have problem with this in two areas. One,
which brand of alcohol are you consuming? Two, what quantity are you
consuming? If you are not taking healthy alcohol, for example, real red
wine that is good for the heart, your whole body and your sexual
activities may be in danger of overloading synthetic brews. Secondly,
overindulging and addictiveness of any drink could make it harder for a
man to finish the sexual act, simply because too much of everything is
bad and alcohol does not help increase erection or give good stamina in
the long run but rather, it gives an euphoric feel initially and later
gradually destroys sexual performance . Heavy alcohol use can interfere
with erections, but the negative effects are usually not seen
immediately. The good news is that moderate drinking of real red wine,
one or two cups a day, might have health benefits like reducing heart
disease risks. And those risks are similar to erectile dysfunction
risks, too.
The contents of your medicine cabinet
could affect your performance in the bedroom. A long list of common
drugs can cause ED, including certain blood pressure drugs, pain
medications and antidepressants. Street drugs like amphetamines,
cocaine, and marijuana can cause sexual problems in men. It is not easy
to get in the mood when you are overwhelmed with responsibilities at
work and home. Stress can take its toll on many different parts of a
man’s body, including the penis. Deal with stress by making lifestyle
changes that promote well-being and relaxation such as exercising
regularly, getting enough sleep and seeking professional help when
appropriate. So therefore, you have to reduce stress. Stress is common
to everyone. Our bodies are designed to feel stress and react to it. It
keeps us alert and ready to avoid danger. However, it is not always
possible to avoid or change events that may cause stress and it is easy
to feel trapped and unable to cope. When stress persists, the body
begins to break down and illnesses can occur. The key to coping with
stress is to identify stressors in your life and learn ways to direct
and reduce stress.
Learning an effective means of
relaxation and using it regularly is a good first step. Allow yourself
some “quiet time,” even if it is just a few minutes. Examine and modify
your thinking, particularly unrealistic expectations. Talking problems
out with a friend or family member can help put things in proper
perspective. Seeking professional assistance can help you gain a new
perspective on how to manage some of the more difficult forms of stress.
Other approaches to reducing stress include; keeping a positive
attitude, believing in yourself, accepting that there are events you
cannot control, being assertive instead of aggressive, instead of
becoming angry, combative, or passive. Learn to relax. Exercise
regularly. Your body can fight stress better when it is fit. Eat
well-balanced meals. Stop smoking. Limit or avoid use of alcohol and
caffeine. Set realistic goals and expectations. Get enough rest and
sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events. Don’t rely
on alcohol or drugs to reduce stress. Learn to use stress management
techniques and coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing or guided
imagery. Anger can make the blood rush to your face, but not to the one
place where you need it when you want to have sex. It is not easy to
feel romantic when you are raging, whether your anger is directed at
your wife or not. Unexpressed anger or improperly expressed anger can
contribute to performance problems in the bedroom. Worrying that you
will not be able to perform in bed can make it harder for you to do just
that. Anxiety from other parts of your life can also spill over into
the bedroom. All that worry can make you fear and avoid intimacy, which
can spiral into a vicious cycle that puts a big strain on your sex life
and relationship.
Carrying extra pounds can influence your
sexual performance and not just by lowering your self-esteem. Obese men
produce less of the male hormone testosterone, which is important for
sexual desire and producing an erection. Being overweight is also linked
to high blood pressure and hardening of the arteries, which can reduce
blood flow to the penis. This invariably leads to low self-image. When
you do not like what you see in the mirror, it’s easy to assume your
partner isn’t going to like the view, either. A negative self-image can
make you worry not only about how you look, but also how well you’re
going to perform in bed. That performance anxiety can make you too
anxious to even attempt sex. Low libido is another thing that can
deflate a man’s erection. It is not the same as erectile dysfunction,
but a lot of the same factors that stifle an erection can also dampen
your interest in sex. Low self-esteem, stress, anxiety, and certain
medications can all reduce your sex drive. When all those worries are
tied up with making love, your interest in sex can take a nosedive.
Many different health conditions can
affect the nerves, muscles, or blood flow that is needed to have an
erection. Diabetes, high blood pressure, hardening of the arteries,
spinal cord injuries and multiple sclerosis can all contribute to ED.
Surgery to treat prostate, haemorrhoid and bladder problems can also
affect the nerves and blood vessels that control an erection.
One way to improve erectile dysfunction
is to make some simple lifestyle changes. For some men, adopting a
healthier lifestyle, such as quitting smoking, exercising regularly and
reducing stress may be all that is needed to find relief. For those who
require more intensive treatment, adopting these lifestyle changes in
addition to other treatments can further help. Quitting smoking can be
very difficult and there is no single best way to quit that works for
all people. Regular exercise can improve your health in many ways.
Along with improving erectile function, exercise can: strengthen the
heart, improve the flow of oxygen in the blood and build energy levels,
lower blood pressure, improve muscle tone and strength. It can also
strengthen and build bones, help reduce body fat, help reduce stress,
tension, anxiety, and depression, boost self-image and self-esteem,
improve sleep, make you feel more relaxed and rested, make you look fit
and healthy.
To get the most benefit, you should
exercise at least 20 to 30 minutes, preferably on most days of the week.
Current studies suggest that at least five times a week is best. If you
are a beginner, exercise for a few minutes each day and build up to 30
minutes. When starting out, you should plan a routine that is easy to
follow and stick with. As the programme becomes more routine, you can
vary your exercise times and activities.
Here are some tips to get you started.
Choose an activity you enjoy. Exercising should be fun, not a chore.
Schedule regular exercise into your daily routine. Add a variety of
exercises so that you do not get bored. Exercise does not have to put a
strain on your wallet. Avoid buying expensive equipment or health club
memberships unless you are certain you will use them regularly. Stick
with it. If you exercise regularly, it will soon become part of your
lifestyle.
By next week God willing, we shall see
more of this and until then, I remain your one and only bedroom
instructor. Keep the fire of passionate sex burning.
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