hehehe....It was his wedding day; a day he had
looked forward to with utmost interest, optimism and anxiety. While the
church service was still on, he was (silently) increasingly becoming
agitated as he could barely wait for the entire wedding ceremony to come
to an end.
Patrick’s anxiety was not so much
because he was in a hurry to leave bachelorhood and become a ‘man’, but
more so because of the anticipated sexual encounter he would have with
his new bride later in the evening.
Notably, sex on wedding night has always been seen as a norm and an age-long obligation for newlyweds.
“My brother, by the time the reception
was winding down, my heartbeat had doubled. Each time I looked at her,
my heart would skip. I just couldn’t wait for that time to come,” he
said.
Perhaps, Patrick’s anxiety was due to
the fact that during their courtship that lasted three years and two
months, they both agreed to abstain from premarital sex until their
wedding night, a decision they laboured so hard to keep to.
By the time the bride and the groom got
to their hotel room after the ceremony, without wasting time, they
managed to have a shower and set the stage for the all-important event.
But what started on a “beautiful” note soon took a nosedive for the
worst, when Patrick had barely done ‘it’ for one minute before he
ejaculated.
He said, “I felt so deflated. I had
planned for an extensive foreplay and different styles that we could do
so we could both have a memorable evening. In fact, I thought I would be
able to do it many times before dawn, but I ejaculated so fast, such
that I felt ashamed of myself. It was more so disappointing because my
wife didn’t look happy. And for me, I became very weak, even though
satisfied, and all I could do was to roll to the other side of the bed
and sleep.
“I’m getting worried now because even in
subsequent encounters that we have had, I’ve not been able to do more
than two minutes before I ejaculate while my wife would remain unhappy. I
have tried to satisfy her but it’s just not working and now she has
changed. She’s not the same happy woman I used to know. I think I have a
problem. What do I do?”
Patrick’s dilemma is simply called
premature ejaculation, which is defined as ejaculation of semen during
sexual intercourse shortly before or after penetration, usually beyond
the person’s control or wish.
Interestingly, premature ejaculation
does not have a defined cause, but it has largely been associated with
psychological factors, such as stress, anxiety, guilt and depression.
Also, according to webmd.com, it could be caused by hormonal
problems, injury and side effect of certain medicines. However, men
experienced in sexual activities have been found to last longer and
satisfy their partners more.
Premature ejaculation is a sexual
dysfunction that affects a number of men and women. Even though many
people see it as an exclusive male problem, studies have shown that a
small percentage of women also experience premature orgasm.
Previous studies have also shown that
sex does not have to last for so long for men to ejaculate, as they
often get to that pleasurable destination early. But for women, the
studies showed that women rarely reach orgasm during penile penetration
except with men who are skilled and can last longer.
The studies pointed out that most women
who reach orgasm do so during foreplay, sustained kissing, touching,
intense thrusting or stimulation of their nipples and other sensitive
parts of their bodies like the earlobes and clitoris.
Some relationship experts have said that
apart from inadequate income, one other thing that could deflate men’s
ego or make them develop inferiority complex in the home is their
inability to perform well in bed.
According to studies, almost all men
suffer from PE at some point in their lives. The National Health Service
in the United Kingdom says about 40 per cent of men suffer from it. The
NHS adds that the average length of sexual intercourse is
five-and-a-half minutes, based on a study it conducted on 500 couples.
Given its prevalence among men and women
and the damaging effect it could have in the home, some experts have
suggested ways by which it can be handled.
According to a post on webmd.com,
premature ejaculation may not necessarily need a treatment because men
tend to be better and last longer the more they do it, but it explains
that using distraction method or relaxation techniques are some of the
ways men could overcome the disorder. It notes that reducing the intake
of alcohol, tobacco and certain drugs could improve men’s performance in
bed.
It was also gathered that during sex,
when men are close to ejaculation, if the wife caresses the man’s
scrotum, it could reduce the sensation and delay the man’s ejaculation.
Also, when men use thick condom, it also tends to reduce the sensation
of the penis, thereby delaying ejaculation.
Some other experts have also observed
that when men take sexual position that reduces the way they enjoy the
act, it could reduce anxiety and make them last longer. While some other
studies found that some antidepressant medicines and applying some
creams and gels on the penis before sex could help reduce the sensation
of the penis, thereby reducing the likelihood of an early ejaculation.
Meanwhile, a study by the NHS found that
among other things, taking breaks during sex and thinking about
something boring could delay ejaculation.
The post adds, “The most popular
techniques are the squeeze technique and the stop-go technique. In the
squeeze technique, the woman could caress the man’s organ almost to the
point of ejaculation at which point the woman would stop and wait for
about 30 seconds. If this is done several times, this could delay
ejaculation.
“The stop-go technique is similar to the
squeeze technique except that the woman does not squeeze the penis. In
this case, the man takes a break at intervals before ejaculating. If
this is done repeatedly, it can help the man delay his ejaculation.
These techniques may sound simple, but they do require a lot of
practice.”
Reacting to the issue of premature
ejaculation, a medical practitioner, Dr. Rotimi Adesanya, explained that
the causes of premature ejaculation could be physical or psychological.
He added that apart from psychotherapy, men who suffer from it could
adopt the stop and squeeze method or use specified creams that could
reduce the sensation on the penis.
Adesanya said this, “Apart from
diabetes, prostrate disorder, high blood pressure, too much of alcohol,
in certain cases, and adverse effects of some drugs, premature
ejaculation can also be caused by anxiety and depression.
“The solution we readily recommend is
stop and squeeze. During sex, when the man is thrusting, the man should
try to pause while the woman should squeeze the shaft or head of the
penis and release it. That has been found to reduce premature
ejaculation.
“Also, there are some anaesthetic creams
that can be rubbed on the man’s penis to numb the nerves that cause the
sensation in the penis. That has been found to be helpful. There are
also some antidepressant drugs whose side effects include delaying
orgasm. Another approach is counselling. Some men need to see a sex
therapist for counselling, which is what we call psychotherapy.”
He added that women-on-top position
could also help reduce PE because the sensation the man gets from being
on top tends to reduce with such position.
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