When partners keep their pasts from each
other, it may harm the relationship in the long run, marriage
counsellors say. No matter how bad it may be, they say opening up
creates an atmosphere of trust and love. However, studies have shown
many partners still find it hard to open up on their pasts because of
the fear of abandonment. Saturday PUNCH asked some Nigerians whether they would be interested in knowing their partners’ past love lives
It will help us
Oluwasegun Adewale
An understanding of the past is key to
knowing how to go about our relationship. Knowing her past is not to
crucify or judge her, but it is important to letting us both know how to
forge ahead and make things work. The truth is, if I don’t know her
past, there are certain actions of hers that I may not likely understand
in the relationship. But if she opens up to me about issues that make
her act in such ways, I will understand and, if possible, find solutions
together that will help our love life.
I’ll love a man who opens up
Ebifanimi Carol-Aaron
I would be interested in knowing what he
had done in the past. Seldom would you find a man who has no past love
life these days. He does not need to deceive me that I am the first
woman in his life. I will really appreciate a man who keeps no such
secret because it will make me know he truly loves me. Let him tell me
everything he had done in the past and I will be more willing to love
him. If it is something that will not hurt me in the future, I’ll move
ahead with him and this will make our relationship blossom.
We can’t walk together if she hides it
Odebiyi Emmanuel
As much as the past is sometimes
irrelevant to the future, I would still be interested in it. I believe
everyone has a past; however, there are different levels. There are
people with horrible pasts while there are some with pretty bad ones. I
would like to know which of the two my partner had. Knowing her past is
not to find a way of escape out of the relationship, but it is to know
what decisions to make in certain circumstances. We have to be open to
each other and agree because two people cannot walk together except they
agree.
A man who tells his past has integrity
Matilda Gift
It is good for him to tell me early so I
can decide what to do on time. Some men only reveal their past to their
lovers when they are midway into the relationship, that is, when the
woman is in his love. That is wickedness. It could lead to heart attack
when the woman finds out eventually. Show me a man who tells his lover
his past love life early in the relationship and I will tell you a man
who is full of integrity. Be kind enough, men. Don’t ruin a lady’s life
by keeping all you’ve done in the past. When she finds out on her own,
it could lead to emotional breakdown.
It leads to better understanding
Akinwale Afeez
Since no matter how hard a person hides
their past, the truth will still be revealed someday, therefore, it is
better she opens up on her past love life before I find out on my own.
When a partner keeps secrets to themselves, it will hurt in the long
run. So why not open up so we can understand ourselves better? No matter
how bad her past is, if I genuinely love her, I will go ahead with the
relationship.
Love shouldn’t be a hide-and-seek game
Aliu Rosheedat
To me, love should not be a game where
one plays hide and seek; it is a journey which should involve
truthfulness and openness. We have to know each other so we can have a
better understanding of ourselves. If he is serious about his profession
of love for me, then he has to reveal his past love life to me. We will
both benefit from it in the future.
Letting it out would help me let it go
Aderinto Ademola
Many women are afraid that if they open
up on their past, their partners will not be interested in them again.
That is not so in many cases. In fact, I would not be interested in
someone who keeps mum on such. Letting it out would enable me to let it
go. If she keeps her past to herself, the truth has a way of coming into
the open someday, and it may be too late to trust her again. A past
doesn’t have to be bad, but no matter how trivial it is, she should open
up to me.
We can’t forge ahead if I don’t know
Juliet Onwusah
Though the past is not a determinant of
the future, it is the basis on which preparation for it can be made. We
cannot forge ahead in the relationship if we don’t know where we’re
coming from. He has to tell me everything and I have to tell him also.
No matter what he has done, if he loves me indeed, he will trust me by
telling me.
It will save our relationship
John Vincent
There can be no forgiveness for a sin
that is not confessed, and so it is for a secret kept to oneself. I
would definitely be interested to know her past if she truly wants and
loves me. Hiding it means she does not trust me. Opening up will grow my
confidence in her. I will forgive and forget about it same way God has
forgiven me and forgotten about my sins. When partners open up on each
other’s past, it will close any loophole for an outsider to ruin the
relationship.
I’ll feel relaxed in his arms if he does
Favour Ebere
Even if he keeps quiet about it, I will
ask him. I shouldn’t ask him before he even opens up. He should even be
the one to initiate the talk. This will create an atmosphere of love and
trust. It will help us guide against unpalatable experiences in the
marriage and it will help us understand ourselves more. I’ll feel
relaxed in the arms of a man I know I can trust – a man who has nothing
to hide from his partner, no matter how bad it is.
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