The
truth still remains that wholesome sexual intercourse is a normal and
healthy activity between couples, which they engage in for utmost
satisfaction. And during the act, lot of incredible things happen in
human body. One of the major things that make it interesting is the act
of orgasm in which the heart pumps faster while the individual involved
breathes heavily to fuel the muscles.
Then, hormones such as endorphins and
oxytocin send instant messages about this sexual activity to the brain
and other sensitive parts of the body, and in a jiffy, blood is pumped
into the genital regions to create high voltage tension that ultimately
triggers a reflex (that is, a muscular spasm of the genitals). The
immediate reflex results in the pelvic-floor muscles contracting between
five and 15 times at 0.8-second intervals. This in one word is the
wonder of orgasm which has been defined as an explosive discharge of
neuromuscular tension experienced by the two sexual lovers!
Orgasm experience helps to burn out some
amount of fat around the heart tissues and neural pathways in the
spine. This explosive discharge of a neuromuscular tension is not only
peculiar to the male gender, it is experienced by the female gender. The
most prominent and sensitive female organ that could trigger orgasm
anytime there is sexual activity is the clitoris. This organ is about
two inches above the vaginal opening, located in front and above the
opening of the urethra (urine outlet).
It is the most sexually sensitive part
of the female reproductive organ. It becomes slightly enlarged and erect
in response to sexual stimulation. This is called the female ‘sexual
trigger. Most married women do not experience orgasm because their
husbands hardly take quality time to lovingly and gently caress this
organ during foreplay. Sufficient stimulation of this organ during
foreplay produces the orgasm experience in nearly all women.
However, it should be noted that this
must be done with utmost care, as many husbands had, in the course of
caressing the clitoris, inflicted untold pains on their wives. What is
expected of such husbands is merely a tender touch, or better still,
using their tongues or hands to stimulate the organ, which produces
orgasm within a twinkle of an eye. Unfortunately, in most parts of the
African continent, this wonderful structure is usually removed or
mutilated during female circumcision.
The question remains, why are some women
finding it difficult to experience orgasm? The answers are not
far-fetched. Apart from the fact that the organ had been mutilated, some
husbands are not doing justice to it during foreplay or penetrative
sex. Responses to the questionnaires I distributed recently have been
quite revealing.
I was prompted to do this as a result of
a text message sent to me by a fan who wanted to remain anonymous. She
wanted to know the best and easiest way to reach orgasm. She said what
prompted her question was that her family doctor advised her to engage
in more orgasm-oriented sex so that she could handle the medical
challenge she was battling with. She said the doctor told her that
regular sex was vital to maintaining high oestrogen level in women,
which invariably helps to maintain bone and cardiovascular health.
As it is widely known, sex has many
advantages. But regular orgasmic sex has much more. Not only does it
help one’s confidence, self-esteem, vitality, strength and energy, it
also has concrete health benefits. On the other hand, regular sex
without orgasm, especially for a woman, may leave her unsatisfied and
disinterested in sex. In fact, the reason why some women are so
disinterested in sex is because they have not experienced the blissful
release that comes with orgasm.
A resident of Ajah who was one of the
respondents to the questionnaire stated, “More than anything, I love to
make sure that my wife achieves orgasm every time. If I do not see or
hear her scream and pant wildly, then, I do not feel I am a good lover.”
Another man from Abia said, “The sexiest
thing my wife does is that she tells me what she likes in bed. While I
usually reach orgasm in a matter of minutes, it could take her 20
minutes to get there.” He went further to describe his wife as a star
athlete in bed.
Mrs. E.V from Ikeja also said she
experiences orgasm when she meets her husband in unusual places in the
house. “And whenever this is going on, I whisper romantic things into
his ears, which leave me gasping for breath within the twinkle of an
eye. I do not like the idea of going straight for my clitoris. I usually
make this his last resort,” she added.
Mrs. M.R of Sango said varying positions helps her to achieve orgasm especially when her breast is sucked all the way through.
A woman must understand her body and
also pay attention to what both her body and mind say before and during
intercourse. Women need to know the areas of their bodies that could
cause a spark of raw fire. Some of the better known spots include the
G-zone, the inner part of the thighs, the nape of the neck, the nipples
and other places that each individual woman has discovered. It is
important that a wife guides and directs her husband to the parts of her
body that gives her maximum pleasure. This is good for building up
tempo and achieving climax.
For some, creating a special environment
can do the magic. For others, it could be soft music. So, figure out
the kind of atmosphere that works for you. Enlist the cooperation of
your husband to set the tune. Talk about past thrilling experiences to
heighten your state of arousal; fantasise about what you and your
husband will be doing later that evening; visualise every hot detail and
make your whole being respond to his stimulations more quickly. It is
obvious that a lady who had undergone female genital mutilation would
find it difficult to experience orgasm easily, depending on the degree
of the clitoral cut. This category of ladies needs special attention and
extended love play. Husbands are advised to be gentler. Besides,
husbands are also advised to have an outstanding knowledge of this
operation and know what to do whenever the need arises.
Female genital mutilation entails the
removal of the vulva of a woman, either in part or whole. This is done
to reduce female libido and prevent promiscuity. This minor operation
varies; from the removal of the structure that covers and protects the
clitoris and part of the labia, to the total removal of the clitoris and
the labia. The labia is then stitched together locally, leaving a tiny
opening for the flow of menstrual blood and urine. Wives that had
previously undergone this type of local operation at any level will
definitely have painful sex and difficulty during labour and childbirth.
Most times, this category of ladies develops laceration of the uterus
during childbirth which may take time to heal, thus making resumption of
sex between the couple difficult. In spite of this minor operation, the
clitoris and G-spot can heighten sexual pleasure. So, where the
clitoris has been removed for one reason or the other, a wife could
assist her husband to locate her G-spot area along the front wall of her
vagina. The quickest way to experience quick orgasm is to stimulate
these two areas with some strategic positioning.
One last word, frequent orgasm + healthy sex = medical fitness. Try it and keep your sex bed hot.
Questions and Answers
How can I deal with this?
I always have painful burning urination
sometimes with itching most times after having sex with my husband.
Initially when I take some liquid medications, the painful burning
sensation goes immediately. But recently, I noticed this painful feeling
is more of a dull burning sensation with foul urine smell which lingers
more than usual. Although this always comes immediately after I
masturbate, I must confess that the reason why I masturbate even after
sex with my husband is that he hardly satisfies or ever brings me to
orgasm. On occasions when I try to make him see reasons, he either
shouts roughly at me or gets angry and irritably just has sex with me
and sleeps off. Instead of making an issue out of this, I masturbate (I
love the feel of orgasm and until I experience it, I am not satisfied).
And each time after masturbation, I always notice I have this pain while
passing out urine. I am close to 53 years now; how do I deal with this?
Veronica Vincent
The urinary tract is made up of the
urethra, bladder, ureters, and kidneys. The ureters are tubes that carry
urine from the kidneys to the bladder. Inflammation in any of these
organs can cause pain during urination. Pain while on urinating
especially immediately after sex is a fairly common problem. The pain
may be felt right where the urine passes out of the body. This could be a
common sign of a urinary tract infection (UTI). UTIs can be caused by
bacterial infection or inflammation of the urinary tract. Due to
ascending infection during cleaning up activates after passing out
faecal products, poor penis and vagina hygiene, wearing of excessive
nylon panties that does not give room for good ventilation, when the man
mistakenly dips unwashed finger into the entrance of the urethra of the
wife instead of the vagina with the mind of fingering her, women and
girls are more likely to develop urinary tract infections than men or
boys. This is because the urethra is shorter in women than it is in men,
and bacteria are more likely to live in a shorter urethra. Painful
urination is most often caused by an infection or inflammation somewhere
in the urinary tract. For example, it may be a bladder infection in an
adult, swelling and irritation of the tube that carries urine out of the
body (urethra) changes in the vaginal tissue during menopause
(atrophic vaginitis), irritation of the vaginal tissue caused by
perfumes, or lotions , yeast or other infections of the vulva and
vagina.
I would advise you cleverly let your
husband know that his behaviour over time has been hurting you on
occasions when he is in a very high spirit. Besides, since you realized
this is unhealthy for you, masturbation has to stop.
Funmi help before my marriage collapses
For the past 17 months now, my husband
has refused to have anything to do with me sexually. He even sleeps out
most nights because he insists I should do a family planning which I am
not ready to do. Our marriage is just two years and four months. He has
been avoiding me sexually for 17 months because I refuse to consent to
his idea of child spacing. Although we had a standing agreement that we
should start raising children after three years into our marriage, I
have reacted to all the family planning methods except the IUD [although
I am yet to try it]. What do you suggest?
Mrs. Omojola Mumufih
I understand your fears but do you know
that Intrauterine devices (IUDs) are the most effective forms of
reversible contraception available with a typical failure rate of eight
per cent? And do you also know that your judgment may most likely be
clouded by preconceived biases based on out-dated information? You are
not the only one with such biases. In fact, many think “IUDs cause
abortion” but in a natural conception, the sperm fertilises the egg in
the fallopian tube, then the embryo travels back through the fallopian
tube to implant in the uterus. For certain, IUDs don’t disrupt an
implanted pregnancy, they therefore do not cause abortions. Even experts
agree that the most likely mechanism of action based on laboratory
studies is that IUDs block the sperm and egg from meeting (preventing
conception). The Sklya and Mirena thicken the cervical mucus, so the
sperm can’t swim through it to get to the egg. The Paraguard is made of
copper which acts as a spermicide, killing the sperm in the uterus
before it can reach the tube. Of course, IUDs have risks and
complications like all medications and devices. But the overall
complication rate is low and the satisfaction rate is high.
It may be associated with increased
menstrual cramping initially, but in most cases, it resolves within six
months and other than the first month after insertion, modern IUDs are
not associated with an increased rate of pelvic inflammatory disease
(PID). The case that some get infected with infection in the first few
months is likely due to spread of pre-existing cervical infections or
poor hospital environment. This is why it’s recommended that patients be
tested for sexually transmitted infections/ toilet diseases before
insertion.
Contrary to popular opinion that “IUDs
are only for moms,” IUDs are now considered first line contraception for
new weds. Studies are showing a significant reduction in unplanned
pregnancies with new weds using IUDs versus birth control pills. Also
IUDs have no effect on future fertility. Lastly, if both of you have an
understanding based on trust in each other before now, I think it will
be wise to see a plan parenthood care giver to shed more light on this
so as to keep peace ruling in your home.
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