hehehe......The
bride price, also known as the bride token, is an amount of money or
property or wealth paid by the groom or his family to the parents of the
bride. In Nigeria, the amount a groom pays as bride price depends on
the tribe, culture and the parents of the bride. Should the groom or his
family be unable to pay the amount requested by the fiancée’s parents, we asked some people if it’s proper for the bride to assist
her partner in paying the bride price.
There is nothing wrong about it
Oluwatoyin Olatunbosun
Yes, it is proper. I don’t think there is
anything wrong with a lady assisting her husband-to-be to pay her bride
price. There is a Yoruba adage that says that when one hand is weak,
the other hand can help it until the weak hand is strengthened. If the
woman has the wherewithal to help her partner for them to achieve their
purpose and move ahead with their lives, there is nothing wrong with it.
It is only the unexposed that will still see it as an abomination
because there is actually none there. As long as the woman knows that
her fiancé has future plans and is a visionary, she can assist him –
even to that extent. Together they can build better lives.
He should rather seek help from his friends or family
Enyi Orezimena
No. The bride price has to be paid by the
man. It is his sole responsibility, not a collective one. Even if he is
not financially buoyant, he could seek assistance from his friends or
relatives rather than allowing his fiancée pay it on his behalf. He can
even collect money from his parents to do that. At least he is still
their son for the time being. The bride can support him financially in
other aspects. That is how the path to marriage has been over the years.
A lady assisting a man to pay her own bride price is a bit out of
reasoning to me.
They should rather put the wedding on hold
Foyinsade Olosunde-Oyewole
It is a capital NO. It is not done
anywhere. It is just like the woman paying her own bride price and it is
not supposed to be so. Even if a man is not rich, he should not go so
low to the extent of allowing his fiancée pay that kind of money. It
means that he is not fully capable of providing for a wife. They can put
the wedding on hold until he gets the money to pay the bride price.
I want bride price to be scrapped
Michaela Moye
Bride price should be scrapped. Parents
should start to understand that they are not selling their daughters off
to a man because that is the stupid excuse some unreasonable men give
when they beat or treat their wives as slaves. They tell them, “I paid
your bride price and so I can do anything I want.” It tends to make some
men see themselves as masters over their wives and not as companions.
Bride price should be seen as an old school thing.
A man who can’t pay is not ready for marriage
Eguntola Funmi
Never! It is unheard of. How much are we
talking about that the man cannot afford? It is definitely not in
millions of naira. Definitely, if a man cannot come up with what his
partner’s parents demand, it means he is not yet ready for marriage. He
should wait till he is ripe for the venture. It is the groom’s
responsibility alone and he should be able to handle it.
Parents should reduce the amount so men can marry
Bello Seyi
Personally, it is a ‘no.’ It is not a
proper thing to do. Doing that does not portray a man as someone who is
ready to marry. If one is already failing at the outset of it, then it
seems there is no hope for the future. The woman can be of help in other
areas in respect of the wedding preparations, but not on the payment of
bride price. And that is why parents, especially from some tribes,
should stop demanding huge amounts from their future sons-in-law as
bride price. And ladies too should stop pressurising their fiancés to go
to the altar because of desperation. Real men want to marry; therefore,
parents should make the process easy for them. They can beat down the
bride price for us to marry on time.
He should plead for reduction of money
Stephen Tella
It does not sound good to the ears at all
that a woman pays her own bride price. It is an aberration, an act of
cowardice on the part of the man. I think it is against the standards
and ethics of marriage. Instead, the man should plead with his
wife-to-be’s parents to reduce the amount for him. There is no sin in
that. He should tell them he cannot afford it and if the parents are
reasonable, I believe they will listen to him and not deny him the
opportunity to marry their daughter instead of borrowing from Paul to
pay Peter.
Bride price doesn’t guarantee marital success
Waliu Adigun
No, it is not proper. If the man does not
have the ability to pay the bride price as of the time of preparing for
the wedding ceremony, he should rather postpone the wedding. Women are
not allowed to help in that regard. There are other areas where she can
assist the man, but not in this one. The only thing the woman can do is
to plead with her parents to perhaps reduce the amount for her partner.
After all, payment of bride price is not the determinant of success in
marriage.
It means the man can’t provide for his wife
Rufai Ibrahim
I will not accept it if my fiancée wants
to do such a thing – even if it is willingly. It is a sign of
relinquishing one’s authority as the head of the family to the woman.
That is just how it starts. The man should not allow the lady’s
desperation to overwhelm him and thereby make him take crazy decisions.
He should wait till when he gets the money to pay the bride price. He
should prove his capability to take care of the woman in the marriage.
It is better to stay single than allow it
Kunle Oyeniran
No, it is not done anywhere. If a man is
not financially buoyant yet to pay the bride price, it is better he
stays single. Right from the days of our forefathers, it was never heard
that women paid the money on behalf of their husbands-to-be. For some
reasons, I think it is not a good idea. The woman may eventually be
using it against him in the marriage and it can lead to crisis. It is
better the man stays single and find the money before he proceeds to
marry her.
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